My school

This is my classroom, I learn here

soo Outreach.. yeah

Here's a 3 am picture of Larissa, Selena, and I




so as of right now I'm going to Guadalupe and I'm not really sure it's what God wants Me to do I'm really unsettled about it. My group is fine and my leaders are great, but I'm just not sold on it. I thin k the next week will really help me. we are going back to Mandevill and this week with my group will help me decide if this is gong to work for me. This whole process has really been tedious. I thought I was going to the Bahamas then that option was canceled. I thought I was happy with Guadalupe and now I'm not feeling too good about it. Please pray for me. i know God's going to use me wherever I go, but when times are hard I'm going to want to be able to say with complete confidence that this is the place I'm called to serve. Oh, please send me a letter. My address here is..

Ashley Guilday
Youth With A Mission
Box 198 Reading Post Office
S.t James, Jamaica


I would love to here from someone, there is such excitement in the written word. Thank you for the prayers and fun comments. I'm so refreshed by the love pouring out from the interweb. The more weeks pass, the more I miss home, but I know it's all gravy!!!!

Doctors

These guys are everywhere this one was in the bathroom at 5:30 this morning...fun


I'm still sick, but today I was able to go to this free missionary doctor. She told me I have a bacterial infection in my stomach. She gave me some antibiotics after a 5 hour wait. I thought I forgot how to speak because I sat there silent the whole time. It was actually kind of nice to just "be" read old magazines and sit. I didn't take notes or have to spend time with someone on the base, I sat. I spent the lunch hour fasting and praying for Michael. I got to talk with him for the first time since I left. I really miss him and we had a really good talk. We prayed together. I'm so happy about that I could scream. He's awesome. I'm going back to Mandeville this coming week for Local Outreach. My small team is working at a Veterans home, an orphanage, a school, and just walking the streets picking up trash and talking to people. I'm nervous about my team. we have some conflicting relationships and it could get messy. I'm glad it's going to be challenging, that means more growing. I wen to Nagril this passed week. It was fun but I also witnessed a stabbing. I'm realizing how different life off the base is, and growing more thankful for my guard dogs and barbed wire fences...

This week

So Mandeville is really fun. The base is up in the hills away from town. It’s so peaceful and quiet unlike Mo bay. I fall asleep listening to the breeze instead of loud reggae or the occasional gunshot. We went to the coolest church this morning. The congregation was young but really insightful. Most of the churches in Jamaica do a lot of screaming, but this one was very sober and fun. I felt more relax and less distracted during worship. The most adorable kids were there so afterwards the other girls and I passed babies around. On the way to and from church some of us road in the back of a pickup truck through the country. The land is so lush and green here. The dirt in Mandeville is red its used to make aluminum so there’s a lot of mining. After church we headed out for a walk to a small farming community. So many people live in shacks held together by wire and bamboo. We saw amazing plant life. Its pretty peaceful here, good for getting all my bookwork done…

Monday October 13, 2008
Today is my one month anniversary to Jamaica. I can’t believe how much has happened in this short amount of time. This experience is flying by. We talked about generational sin and how the mistakes we make affect our children and other relatives. I’ve been looking at the trends in my family and it’s scary. Every generation has the choice to follow the example, weather good or bad, set before them by parents and other influences. I’ve been recognizing the sin I’ve chosen to follow and the sin God has helped me conquer or stand against.
My work duties are not kitchen work here, which is a nice change. This base was also once a plantation so they have an amazing great house. For two hours yesterday we moved all this scrap wood. That evening we sat on top of the great house, sang songs, and stared at the full moon. Sometimes I actually “look” at creation. I see the Lord and all He has made. I was thinking about how I could ever want for anything when all I need is right in front of me. I love praising through the beauty he gave us on earth.

Tuesday October 14, 2008
Today we learned all about healing and being cleansed and choosing to believe the truth and not the lies about ourselves. Someone back home kept telling me to love myself and they were so right. My problem was not accepting God’s forgiveness or even the forgiveness of others who know some of my darkest trespasses, but forgiving myself, freeing myself from my own judgments and acts of self hatred. I was being so hard on myself that I stopped loving anything about me. I did and still do hate some aspects of my personality, looks, and situations. I’m learning to embrace who He created me to be. I realized I was dishonoring Him and mocking Him by being negative to myself aka, His creation.

Wednesday October 15
So class was cool I felt really sick earlier but I think I’m just stressed. I have three plays to write, two books I’m reading at the same time, and a schedule with very little and sometimes no free time. We met after class last night and played a game where everyone was in a circle and handed 4 close pins each. We were then given the sinario that we were all on a ship and the boat was going down and we each could only pick 4 people to survive in the life boat with only 4 seats. We had to go in front of every person and tell them weather we chose for them to be granted life or death. It was interesting because we could discus why or why not we choose different people. In the end the 4 people with the most pins were seated on 4 chairs on the stage. Somehow I was on of the four. The other people were parents and another student. Those who didn’t make it into the boat were asked to lay down and imagine they had died so the 4 of us could survive. Then they had to share what they would have their tomb stone read. This exercise was so intense. Being someone who was granted life really made me think again about how I dislike myself and how sinful that is. God created me for life and I was reminded of that when 15 other Christians voted to give me life, they thought I was worthy and I would live a life worthy of all their deaths. If they feel that way, how much more does God value my life? Sweetly Broken…CHECK!

Thursday October 16,
Class was full of intense discussion. We talked about spiritual warfare and what things of the enemy or what ways do we open up for him to move in. We discussed yoga, Harry Potter, Idol masks, music, tattoos, witchcraft, Halloween, est. I found it hard because if we take something and look at it as just a book, or exercise we don’t necessarily become a satanic worshiper. I know Harry Potter is just a book, I also know that witchcraft is a sin or Occult practice. I don’t read or watch Harry Potter and give way to witchcraft; I don’t do yoga and worship the sun god, I simply exercise. I am aware now of the dangers in things like that. We were given the idea of praying that God would only reveal His goodness in those things and that he would remove the sin in them. I don’t feel convicted about Harry Potter; it’s just a book to me. I guess I’m trying to say, the Holy Spirit’s conviction is really important. I just don’t appreciate someone telling me to remove myself from things that are not completely of God, church isn’t even completely of God, and everything is going to be imperfect in this world. We are not in Heaven. I will not yoke myself to the origins of yoga. I will exercise that way and focus on scripture. I think it really depends on the person in most situations, but now that attention has been brought to my life about what is evil; I’m responsible for anything Satan has twisted.
We went to work duties and cut down shrubs and jungle plant life in the holy hole, which is a spot in the forest where we are having a bonfire tomorrow night. It was awesome to use a machete on the wild plant life. The Mandeville site is really rustic compared to Mo Bay our room is kind of like the orphanage with all 9 girls in one room. It looks just like Annie’s.
After class I got really sick. My head was pounding, my right arm was tingling, and my stomach was in terrible pain. I vomited and cried. I confessed battles I had been fighting in my head. My spirit and body were in terrible pain. Some of my darkest issues came to light. I know I’ve been forgiven I just never dealt with the feelings and consequences of my mistakes. I accept God has forgiven me, but I need to be transformed by the renewal of my mind. I just kept obsessing over my problems, instead of facing them and moving on. I know this process is going to be slow. It’s a daily choice and daily struggle. Praise God for this difficult time and ask Him to restore me.

Friday October 17
I still feel sick. My heart is heavy. But, God is good. I know he’ll be changing me and helping me to cope with my heartache. I have such a comforting group of leaders. They read to me, prayed over me, gave me medicine, listened to my confession, had compassion and understanding towards, held my hair back when I got sick. I am surrounded by strong caring women of God that look on me with love. If they can accept, forgive, and want to help heal me, how much more does the Father want to restore me? I give thanks for this safe place of recovery. Throughout this week we have written sin down on small pieces of paper. Tonight we will have a bonfire and destroy these hindrances. I want this symbolic act to strengthen me on the path to His righteousness.

ok friends

I'm going to the other ywam base this week to do some cleaning and restoring. The base is very low in staff so we're going to work for the week. I talked to Meaghan for 3 seconds last night, but it was so good. I miss my friends. This week was awesome our speaker was by far my favorite; so real and deep. I'm reading Narnia. I have ten toes. I'm still alive. Last night I went to town with three other girls. We got a very sketchy cab driver. We were all very nervous so I asked him if we could sing him a song. It was quite hilarious; 4 white girls singing a Latin song to a Rastafarian. Pretty random but pretty awesome. I miss fall and the leaves changing and wearing a light jacket. Hope the Lord is strong in your heart today...

yikes.

We're learning about forgiveness. It's amazing. I'm realizing so many good things. Our speaker this week is great. Hes living with the love of Christ in him. We've just finished watching this move, "Dead man Walking" it is really intense, but it tells a beautiful story of forgiveness and how hatred eats away at us. Susan Surandon plays a nun how consuls a man convicted of rape and murder. The film captures Christ love and represents his children well. It is very emotional and rated R so I caution any interested. I'm inspired to really love and accept and forgive. God is revealing a lot of my ignorance this week conserning My relationships with others, and how I thought things were good because I was simply telling myself I had forgiven them instead of actually doing it. That sounded confusing, but I hope you understand. Jesus IS.
One love,
ashley

Uper Fun Day!

Today was just what i needed. We went to this off road beach and swam for two hours. It was so great to soak in the sun and eat ice cream. I was happy to be simple and quiet. I'm loving this place and this time. I talked to Erika and shes doing so well, answered prayer! I can't believe it's only been three weeks, I'm ready for 4 to start.

A Long Week...

So i was really stretched thin this week. We were really busy and our speaker Gayle was not my style. She was very emotional and almost rude, so it made listening to Gods hard truth come out of her difficult. In the end i was challenged, but it took a lot for me to understand her. We talked about the fear of the Lord and how its the reverence or respect for Gods power. We discussed having a pure heart and ways to discover if your heart is pure, and how pride leads to rebellion, and rebellion disbelief. We had about 4 extra hours of class this week so I'm really tired. Having all this information in my brain was just not fun. It hurt, it was messy, and heartbreaking. I have a lot to deal with before I can move on. I'm happy all this happened so early in dts. The sooner the better. I need to, in the words of my loving father, "dump my junk" It's time to leave the doubt, fear, self loathing, and attention seeking at the cross. I also needs to stop making generalized apologies. If I'm not convicted of a specific issue I'm not saying sorry. feeling wrong for nothing is condemnation and only come from evil. It's been hard but tonight is the welcome party for the performing arts students. I really want to do the art school. I've also been approached 3 times about staffing here. I'm open to whatever, just waiting on direction. I can't wait for the healing I'm already experiencing, and the joy of being clean to increase. Did you know that blood is a cleaning agent. It creates a White spot after its wiped away, very cool.