This is where I Want Him to Be.





All of Us Americans gathered for a warm and wonderful Thnakgiving!








What a fantastic week!? Hear are some of my lecture topics…

We can only Show God to the extent that we Know Him

Isa 58; 6-11… The Lords fasting is to break the bondage of the needy. Our fasting should be for others benefit.

We can choose to Live by the truth that comes from God, or by the lies of the enemy

Romans 8; 14… He loved us so much that He sent His son to the cross so we could become is adopted children

If every Christian family adopted one child, there would no longer be orphans

Are words are powerful. God spoke the earth into creation. We have to be careful what things we speak over ourselves and others.

Salvation is free, following Him will cost you everything, but the blessings from obedience are greater than the cost.

When we are serving the Lord, wherever he has called us, he doesn’t just give us Grace to endure, but Grace to ENJOY

Who comes first….Your family or Jesus?

He gave His best for us, how much more should we offer to him

This is just a summary of the hard and beautiful truths I heard. I want to be desperate for God. A heart that is truly seeking finds His answers. I think I’m almost afraid to find out what he has for my life. I’m scared of the sacrifices I have to make, but at the same time I’m willing to go. My brain is really scrambled; it’s the last week of lecture, I don’t know what to expect on outreach, I’m going to miss the other half of my class, some people on my team still don’t have money to go to Guadeloupe, and my confidence has really dropped. I need to take confidence in Him and not myself. I can sense the heavy attitude over my campus. I was just getting used to the classroom YWAM lifestyle and now I’m being thrown into “outreach” time. I’m looking forward, but I’m easily distracted by emotions.

God is good and his purpose is too. I know I’m going to Guadeloupe to be changed; I just need to be ready to lay down my rights and selfishness. As much as I hate confrontation God is teaching me to confront people and tell them truly how I feel. I think that’s one of my weakest points. I do feel more upfront It’s just really hard. I would rather try and forget about something than discuss the matter. I think my apathy is why my confidence is so low right now. I’m letting myself become stagnant. I need to get moving, start recognizing and battling. I love the idea that when we take part in worship its spiritual Warfare.

As much as I have going on mentally, it truly ha been a good week. Realizing my issues is the first step in destroying them. Please pray for Boldness and patients I’m really lacking both. Pray that His beautiful truth will remain in my mind.

Matthew 10; 37-39

This week has been very exciting. I’ve been hugely encouraged by my loved ones at home. I received 2 letters and a package of treats provided by John and Meaghan. I was so blessed and happy. I got a cd featuring Francis Chan, pictures of home (including a very cute hamster and my bros 1st hockey game), chips, cookies, a messenger bag, tear jerking notes, an official SMYDEK tee, and vitamins (Flintstone brand). I had been working for two hours in the kitchen and was greeted with this present at the end of work. It really blessed me and inspired me. There is something so wonderful about the hand written word. I’m so recharged from seeing Yoho handwriting. Thank you.
Our teaching this week rocked. We talked about unreached people groups and church planting methods. We learned about the history of missions, which I almost felt was too good to be true. God has used different eras in history to reach specific people groups. For example, in the late 1700’s to the mid 1800’s most of the missionaries being sent out to the nations were British and landing on shores and remaining close to the oceans. This era was named the Coastland mission period because believers were outlining the nations with the gospel; it was in later years that they headed inland to the areas considered more dangerous for foreigners. A man named William Carey was very influential in this time, he was British and worked mostly in India. If you go to Joshuaproject.net you can find the people groups that remain unreached today.

Yesterday was pretty full we spent the morning feeding people at a homeless shelter. The people there are so intellectual; most of them know the bible more than any of us do. They are so happy without shoes on there feet. I want faith like that. Before we served them we sang and read a short devotion. They were so interactive and enthusiastic. Could I be that joyful? Could I be that confident in God? Some of the men there had excellent careers at one point. One sweet elderly man had been an architect and designed many neighborhoods in Montego Bay. Another was a German translator who attended school in Miami, but was between jobs for too long and learned how to live homeless. Many of the men were so rich at one point that they got sick of money. They became irresponsible and just stopped working. I sometimes feel foolish ministering to people in this situation. They know more than me, they’ve been through incredible devastation, they don’t have a bed and here I come singing songs about how faithful God is when I’ve been supported and cared for beyond my own understanding. They should be ministering to me. I go there to hear from them. I want to be an encouragement and a servant to them.

Later our class headed to the beach to relax. We got really sun burned and played volleyball with a nice couple. It’s crazy that the scenery here and the time on the beach is slowly becoming ordinary to me. Yesterday the girls and I were tanning and suddenly I remember we were here in this tropical paradise on the Lords business.

This morning I went to this really beautiful Catholic Church. This scripture was the basis of a skit we’ve been using in different churches throughout the past several weeks. In YWAM we do something called mobilizing. We go to youth groups and Sunday services to speak about D.T.S and our other schools we usually do a drama or dance followed by testimonies and an overview of the curriculum. Our drama of late had been from this story in Matthew. I need to take it more seriously. Every single thing I do to someone I am doing to my Lord. Usually I’m selfish and ignorant. I do things completely for myself without even thinking about others or the Lord. I’m really trying to become more aware of my actions and the motives behind those actions. Taking every thought captive is a hard task, but a rewarding one. God is speaking.

Tonight my outreach team got together and practiced our French. I realized how difficult in was all of my Spanish skills came flooding back, which was nice, but alas not helpful. Then, we watched Oceans 11 in French with English subtitles, it was still surprisingly funny.

Be blessed this week.

News on the Outreach

Well, it turns out that Haiti is no longer an option. I can't say I'm not disappointed, but I rust its for the best. The base there is not very safe due to damages caused in the hurricane. Our leaders didn't want to risk deaises and separation between our team. My leaders are husband and wife and they couldn't bring the children into the nation, so we are sticking together in Guadeloupe! I leave the 7th of December and return January 29th. I'm very happy things worked out and my team seems to be unified that Haiti isn't for this season. I trust my leaders they've prayed and this is the outcome. It also is nice because we don't have to fly through Miami. I didn't want to go to the States for fear I'd catch a bus home...Just kidding.

I've learned all these new skits and evangelistic performances. We had a dts dance party the other night for three hours. I love dancing with my classmates because we never judge each others dance moves. Some stuff is pretty ridiculous but still entertaining. I really want to visit Bellingham, Washington. My friend Alia is from there and it sounds like a really cool art/snowboard town. She's shared a ton of her local music and it rocks!

Today we are all just relaxing. We've been so busy this passed week that a break was necessary. I went to the airport yesterday to pick up our speaker. He looks like a mix between John Goodman and Uncle Bilbo. The teaching is going to be about reaching the nations an dhow to Handel cross cultural differences during outreach. I'm happy this week isn't focusing on us as the individuals, but us as a class going out into the world. The dts experience is full of inner healing and revelation so my spirit will enjoy a change of focus.

Oh, if anyone is planning to end me something please do so asap. I'm leaving in three weeks and sometimes it takes that long to get a letter. Slow mail is torture here. I stair at my meal box before every meal and its usually empty, except one letter from dear Eric Schmitz, that really rose my spirits! Thanks morp date.

Reading Romans 14 changed me

Whats up

Yesterday I got to go shopping for the first time. I picked up some random gifts and just walked around. I'm getting more and more comfortable with living here and functioning in the community with the locals. It's funny, everyone here thinks I'm Canadian. at least 6 Jamaicans called me out for being Canadian and were shocked that I'm actually American. I can't tell the difference between the two, one man said it was my nose, but whatever. I like Canada they have free health care! Pretty awesome.

The rainy season is starting to pick up it rains really hard either all day or for just an hour. The rain falls so hard that you get so wet you have to change clothes and the more you change the more laundry you have to wash, and the more laundry the more you have to run to save your clothes on the line from having to be washed again. when the rain falls on the line your clothes reek! So most of today I've been washing and drying with my hair dyer in our room. It' fun but I've got the feeling it will get old quick.
I was reading our book this week, Spiritual Warfare, and there was this great bit about being honest and looking for the honesty in others when we are rebuked," ...we must be open and willing to examine the content of what others say to us. Though some of what they say will be false, we need not be defensive, and should defiantly not fight people. If there is truth in what they say, it becomes an opportunity for us to repent, make restitution, and become more like Jesus." This was hard to read. So many times in my life people bring things to me and I just get angry or i search for an excuse that really doesn't apply to the situation. I'm learning a lot about mainting friendship here and I hope I can remember this quote when it surfaces again. I think everyone here is in some sort of breaking point. It's been 8 weeks and were all constantly engaging in relationship with one another. I think my Dts needs to learn how to deal with our conflicts a little more peacefully. The great part about being here is that we have to deal and learn to cope. We can't leave, we can't be alone, and we can't ignore one another. We've all worked out so much amongst each other, but we still have a long way to go. I think my main problem is i like pleasing people, so I tend to hold everything in and explode later.

I can't believe I only have 4 more weeks of lecture! Outreach is going to be really hard for me, but I'm ready to be challenged I just hope my heart is open for this upcoming adventure!

New Lecture phase

So local outreach is over and Mo Bay is really starting to feel like home. I missed the other students so terribly, but the experience was good. I found out today that my overseas outreach is not just to Guadeloupe, but we will be spending two weeks in Haiti helping to rebuild he base that was hit by a hurricane. This is a really exciting opportunity but it does mean another plane ticket. I know God will provide so it's all good. I should be set by November 10th.

I'm really enjoying the speaker this week her name is faith and shes 77. She has such a strong spirit and looks at the poetry in the bible. A lot of the speakers have focused on Genesis chapters one and two so when she asked us to turn there I was ready to hear the same old facts. However; she surpassed all my previous teachings, she opened up this moment in history with brilliant creativity. I've never looked at it this way before. Needless to say, she had us all dead silent listening and waiting for the next part of the story. Here are a couple of her exciting points;

-The endless variety in humans (hair, eyes, skin, hearts) bear witness to an infinite God, who will never come to an end at expressing himself. All of us were created in His image and as many people as there are, and have been on this earth, he will keep showing himself in new and completely unique ways. We are all priceless beyond measure.

-Nothing that sin has done in our lives can separate us fom God

-God is neither just male or just female, he is both. He epressed himself differently in the two. Marriage is the most complete representation of Gods image.

-Genesis 2;19 God wanting Adam to realize that he did not have a companion on the earth, none of the animals were comparable to him. Adam was looking for something that God wanted him to have.

-God doesn't call us to loneliness we are to be in relationship with others as he is in relationship with the spirit and son, as he always has been.

-Woman was the last thing created, she was taken from Adam and then in Genesis 2; 22 we read that the Lord brought Eve to Adam. This is such a privilege to be escorted by God to your companion.

-Genesis 2;8 God had completed creation and saw that it was good, but after he created man he plants a garden especially to shelter and provide for man. We are highly valued to the Lord

-Genesis 3 the seriousness of a fall depends on the height at which we fell from. We fell from union with God, there is no higher height than that.

I could go on and on and on, but those were some interesting points. I hope your inspired to read these scriptures and hear him speak. We also looked at the book of Ruth and just as Boaz is a kinsman redeemer, so Jesus is the worlds kinsman Redeemer. Boaz is such an impressive man his purity and Godly righteousness make him a model man.

so Obama, I don't know how I feel about this I regret that I kept myself far away from the election. We can only pray that God would make His will done in this nation, I guess we have to wait and see how our country handles this. Either good or bad this is so huge for our countries history. I got to talk to Donna which was so encouraging I love the way God speaks through her. I really missed home this week. I just keep remembering that God never said this would be easy, but he did say it would be worth it. I'm praying for Awana, that God would overflow His knowledge into the leaders and children there. it's funny how I can be so far away but home in spirit.

2 Timothy 4;2 Preach the word and be prepared in and out of season; correct rebuke and encourage with great patients ad careful instruction. I'm working on my relationships with my outreach team and this verse is keeping me in line. It's so hard sometimes.

Yesterday we had creative worship with everyone on the base. we learned this really cool song and dance from Nigeria, I'm going to have someone write down the words so I can teach it on outreach and when I get home. I'm starting to realize that Guadalupe may be my dts outreach, but Maryland is my life outreach.

God's in Love with you.

Outreach

Local Outreach is finally over

This week our DTS split into two groups. The Antigua team and the Guadalupe team. We all spent the week serving in our teams and spending time together to get a small taste os what our 8 week outreach will be. I had a hard time. Most of my close friends are in the other group so I felt left out most of the time, but the ministry was challenging and pretty fun. We visited an orphanage two times; the kids were so adorable and playful. It breaks my heart that they don’t have the family structure so many of us were privileged to have. Some of them had special needs; some had learned to talk and then just stopped all speech, some cried the whole time we were there, we had kids that would not let us put them down. Overall it was a great experience we spent 4 hours playing and loving them. Leaving was awful. I almost felt bad for even going because the children had fun with us and then we just left and were never going back there. We made friends we’ll never see again. The kids must become so desensitized to people walking away from their lives. I know they enjoyed our time with them, but the they were so hurt when we said goodbye.
This trip made me think about my motives and why I even wanted to go there. Was it because I really wanted Christ to be displayed to these kids, or did I behave differently from someone who goes their just out of there own compassion. I realized I need to approach everyone with God’s Love, and with God because he is Love. I’m not saying that going to visit orphans out of compassion is wrong, but how much more affective is it to approach things while being in Gods will, while being ready to share and pray over the children, expressing love to them that the world can’t give?
We also did some “street evangelism” that’s when we walk up to people and share the word. I’m not really comfortable with this method, but I was more encouraged than discouraged at the end of the day. We walked around downtown Mandeville and made conversation. I don’t like really talking to people aggressively so we just asked them questions about what they believed and what they accepted when death arrives. Most people proclaimed the power in Jesus name, but some thought we just die. The people here are very interesting, we meat this one older woman who’s name was Mistress Gloria Plum. She had this awesome pink sequenced baseball cap on. It was really hard to understand the older folks because they’re “patwha” was really mumbled. At the end of every encounter we asked if individuals felt comfortable with us praying for them, most people said something along the lines of, “don’t pray for me or don’t bless me, pray for a blessing over everyone in the world” not many wanted their name to be spoken and lost of Jamaicans are humanitarian. We also met people that new the truth in Christ, but they just were not ready to live that way, they openly admitted they were okay with backsliding against the God they believed in. I think that might be harder to talk about than the gospel, because then it’s trying to explain how God wants to use them and that can be a hard truth to confront a stranger with. Overall, this was a good experience but I think City Reach is much more affective ministry because people come to us. It’s easier to resent the Love of God when someone engages you in a conversation. But, in the end it doesn’t matter how things play out because if the word of life is spoken or shown it’s a victory. I realized that I need to live out the Word. I need to be ready to share, do, or help people with the Lord’s intentions and compassion. Simple things like going o the grocery store, getting gas, everyday errands are a time to love people. I’ve always known that I just forget about it. I hope I become more aware and less afraid. I also wan to acknowledge that being sensitive to the holy spirits leading is the key to this. Sometimes you don’t need to share.
We also spent time in the Mandeville base helping with the Christian Elementary school that operates there. The kids were so crazy and funny. They were really excited we were there and they loved us. Every time we would walk to lunch or resses we were holding at least ten tiny hands, and when we sat in a circle to read everyone was trying to sit next to us. It was really fun to experience that kind of unconditional love. Even if we had to discipline the children, three seconds later they loved us just the same. The teachers really appreciated our help. It was nice to feel needed and used. That affirmation bonded our team; we always left school with a funny story. I’m so happy to be home and I’m o excited for the week ahead. I missed my friends and I have a ton of laundry to catch up on. I think we might go in town tonight for dinner and a reggae concert. I’m excited but nervous; you never know what’s going to happen in town.

My school

This is my classroom, I learn here

soo Outreach.. yeah

Here's a 3 am picture of Larissa, Selena, and I




so as of right now I'm going to Guadalupe and I'm not really sure it's what God wants Me to do I'm really unsettled about it. My group is fine and my leaders are great, but I'm just not sold on it. I thin k the next week will really help me. we are going back to Mandevill and this week with my group will help me decide if this is gong to work for me. This whole process has really been tedious. I thought I was going to the Bahamas then that option was canceled. I thought I was happy with Guadalupe and now I'm not feeling too good about it. Please pray for me. i know God's going to use me wherever I go, but when times are hard I'm going to want to be able to say with complete confidence that this is the place I'm called to serve. Oh, please send me a letter. My address here is..

Ashley Guilday
Youth With A Mission
Box 198 Reading Post Office
S.t James, Jamaica


I would love to here from someone, there is such excitement in the written word. Thank you for the prayers and fun comments. I'm so refreshed by the love pouring out from the interweb. The more weeks pass, the more I miss home, but I know it's all gravy!!!!

Doctors

These guys are everywhere this one was in the bathroom at 5:30 this morning...fun


I'm still sick, but today I was able to go to this free missionary doctor. She told me I have a bacterial infection in my stomach. She gave me some antibiotics after a 5 hour wait. I thought I forgot how to speak because I sat there silent the whole time. It was actually kind of nice to just "be" read old magazines and sit. I didn't take notes or have to spend time with someone on the base, I sat. I spent the lunch hour fasting and praying for Michael. I got to talk with him for the first time since I left. I really miss him and we had a really good talk. We prayed together. I'm so happy about that I could scream. He's awesome. I'm going back to Mandeville this coming week for Local Outreach. My small team is working at a Veterans home, an orphanage, a school, and just walking the streets picking up trash and talking to people. I'm nervous about my team. we have some conflicting relationships and it could get messy. I'm glad it's going to be challenging, that means more growing. I wen to Nagril this passed week. It was fun but I also witnessed a stabbing. I'm realizing how different life off the base is, and growing more thankful for my guard dogs and barbed wire fences...

This week

So Mandeville is really fun. The base is up in the hills away from town. It’s so peaceful and quiet unlike Mo bay. I fall asleep listening to the breeze instead of loud reggae or the occasional gunshot. We went to the coolest church this morning. The congregation was young but really insightful. Most of the churches in Jamaica do a lot of screaming, but this one was very sober and fun. I felt more relax and less distracted during worship. The most adorable kids were there so afterwards the other girls and I passed babies around. On the way to and from church some of us road in the back of a pickup truck through the country. The land is so lush and green here. The dirt in Mandeville is red its used to make aluminum so there’s a lot of mining. After church we headed out for a walk to a small farming community. So many people live in shacks held together by wire and bamboo. We saw amazing plant life. Its pretty peaceful here, good for getting all my bookwork done…

Monday October 13, 2008
Today is my one month anniversary to Jamaica. I can’t believe how much has happened in this short amount of time. This experience is flying by. We talked about generational sin and how the mistakes we make affect our children and other relatives. I’ve been looking at the trends in my family and it’s scary. Every generation has the choice to follow the example, weather good or bad, set before them by parents and other influences. I’ve been recognizing the sin I’ve chosen to follow and the sin God has helped me conquer or stand against.
My work duties are not kitchen work here, which is a nice change. This base was also once a plantation so they have an amazing great house. For two hours yesterday we moved all this scrap wood. That evening we sat on top of the great house, sang songs, and stared at the full moon. Sometimes I actually “look” at creation. I see the Lord and all He has made. I was thinking about how I could ever want for anything when all I need is right in front of me. I love praising through the beauty he gave us on earth.

Tuesday October 14, 2008
Today we learned all about healing and being cleansed and choosing to believe the truth and not the lies about ourselves. Someone back home kept telling me to love myself and they were so right. My problem was not accepting God’s forgiveness or even the forgiveness of others who know some of my darkest trespasses, but forgiving myself, freeing myself from my own judgments and acts of self hatred. I was being so hard on myself that I stopped loving anything about me. I did and still do hate some aspects of my personality, looks, and situations. I’m learning to embrace who He created me to be. I realized I was dishonoring Him and mocking Him by being negative to myself aka, His creation.

Wednesday October 15
So class was cool I felt really sick earlier but I think I’m just stressed. I have three plays to write, two books I’m reading at the same time, and a schedule with very little and sometimes no free time. We met after class last night and played a game where everyone was in a circle and handed 4 close pins each. We were then given the sinario that we were all on a ship and the boat was going down and we each could only pick 4 people to survive in the life boat with only 4 seats. We had to go in front of every person and tell them weather we chose for them to be granted life or death. It was interesting because we could discus why or why not we choose different people. In the end the 4 people with the most pins were seated on 4 chairs on the stage. Somehow I was on of the four. The other people were parents and another student. Those who didn’t make it into the boat were asked to lay down and imagine they had died so the 4 of us could survive. Then they had to share what they would have their tomb stone read. This exercise was so intense. Being someone who was granted life really made me think again about how I dislike myself and how sinful that is. God created me for life and I was reminded of that when 15 other Christians voted to give me life, they thought I was worthy and I would live a life worthy of all their deaths. If they feel that way, how much more does God value my life? Sweetly Broken…CHECK!

Thursday October 16,
Class was full of intense discussion. We talked about spiritual warfare and what things of the enemy or what ways do we open up for him to move in. We discussed yoga, Harry Potter, Idol masks, music, tattoos, witchcraft, Halloween, est. I found it hard because if we take something and look at it as just a book, or exercise we don’t necessarily become a satanic worshiper. I know Harry Potter is just a book, I also know that witchcraft is a sin or Occult practice. I don’t read or watch Harry Potter and give way to witchcraft; I don’t do yoga and worship the sun god, I simply exercise. I am aware now of the dangers in things like that. We were given the idea of praying that God would only reveal His goodness in those things and that he would remove the sin in them. I don’t feel convicted about Harry Potter; it’s just a book to me. I guess I’m trying to say, the Holy Spirit’s conviction is really important. I just don’t appreciate someone telling me to remove myself from things that are not completely of God, church isn’t even completely of God, and everything is going to be imperfect in this world. We are not in Heaven. I will not yoke myself to the origins of yoga. I will exercise that way and focus on scripture. I think it really depends on the person in most situations, but now that attention has been brought to my life about what is evil; I’m responsible for anything Satan has twisted.
We went to work duties and cut down shrubs and jungle plant life in the holy hole, which is a spot in the forest where we are having a bonfire tomorrow night. It was awesome to use a machete on the wild plant life. The Mandeville site is really rustic compared to Mo Bay our room is kind of like the orphanage with all 9 girls in one room. It looks just like Annie’s.
After class I got really sick. My head was pounding, my right arm was tingling, and my stomach was in terrible pain. I vomited and cried. I confessed battles I had been fighting in my head. My spirit and body were in terrible pain. Some of my darkest issues came to light. I know I’ve been forgiven I just never dealt with the feelings and consequences of my mistakes. I accept God has forgiven me, but I need to be transformed by the renewal of my mind. I just kept obsessing over my problems, instead of facing them and moving on. I know this process is going to be slow. It’s a daily choice and daily struggle. Praise God for this difficult time and ask Him to restore me.

Friday October 17
I still feel sick. My heart is heavy. But, God is good. I know he’ll be changing me and helping me to cope with my heartache. I have such a comforting group of leaders. They read to me, prayed over me, gave me medicine, listened to my confession, had compassion and understanding towards, held my hair back when I got sick. I am surrounded by strong caring women of God that look on me with love. If they can accept, forgive, and want to help heal me, how much more does the Father want to restore me? I give thanks for this safe place of recovery. Throughout this week we have written sin down on small pieces of paper. Tonight we will have a bonfire and destroy these hindrances. I want this symbolic act to strengthen me on the path to His righteousness.

ok friends

I'm going to the other ywam base this week to do some cleaning and restoring. The base is very low in staff so we're going to work for the week. I talked to Meaghan for 3 seconds last night, but it was so good. I miss my friends. This week was awesome our speaker was by far my favorite; so real and deep. I'm reading Narnia. I have ten toes. I'm still alive. Last night I went to town with three other girls. We got a very sketchy cab driver. We were all very nervous so I asked him if we could sing him a song. It was quite hilarious; 4 white girls singing a Latin song to a Rastafarian. Pretty random but pretty awesome. I miss fall and the leaves changing and wearing a light jacket. Hope the Lord is strong in your heart today...

yikes.

We're learning about forgiveness. It's amazing. I'm realizing so many good things. Our speaker this week is great. Hes living with the love of Christ in him. We've just finished watching this move, "Dead man Walking" it is really intense, but it tells a beautiful story of forgiveness and how hatred eats away at us. Susan Surandon plays a nun how consuls a man convicted of rape and murder. The film captures Christ love and represents his children well. It is very emotional and rated R so I caution any interested. I'm inspired to really love and accept and forgive. God is revealing a lot of my ignorance this week conserning My relationships with others, and how I thought things were good because I was simply telling myself I had forgiven them instead of actually doing it. That sounded confusing, but I hope you understand. Jesus IS.
One love,
ashley

Uper Fun Day!

Today was just what i needed. We went to this off road beach and swam for two hours. It was so great to soak in the sun and eat ice cream. I was happy to be simple and quiet. I'm loving this place and this time. I talked to Erika and shes doing so well, answered prayer! I can't believe it's only been three weeks, I'm ready for 4 to start.

A Long Week...

So i was really stretched thin this week. We were really busy and our speaker Gayle was not my style. She was very emotional and almost rude, so it made listening to Gods hard truth come out of her difficult. In the end i was challenged, but it took a lot for me to understand her. We talked about the fear of the Lord and how its the reverence or respect for Gods power. We discussed having a pure heart and ways to discover if your heart is pure, and how pride leads to rebellion, and rebellion disbelief. We had about 4 extra hours of class this week so I'm really tired. Having all this information in my brain was just not fun. It hurt, it was messy, and heartbreaking. I have a lot to deal with before I can move on. I'm happy all this happened so early in dts. The sooner the better. I need to, in the words of my loving father, "dump my junk" It's time to leave the doubt, fear, self loathing, and attention seeking at the cross. I also needs to stop making generalized apologies. If I'm not convicted of a specific issue I'm not saying sorry. feeling wrong for nothing is condemnation and only come from evil. It's been hard but tonight is the welcome party for the performing arts students. I really want to do the art school. I've also been approached 3 times about staffing here. I'm open to whatever, just waiting on direction. I can't wait for the healing I'm already experiencing, and the joy of being clean to increase. Did you know that blood is a cleaning agent. It creates a White spot after its wiped away, very cool.

A Lot

I'm looking through my note book trying to find out what interesting fact to share with my loved ones... ok got it.

Ways God Speaks
He's the voice behind you Isaiah 30;21
Dreams and visions acts 2; 17
Audible Voice 1 Samuel 3; 1-10
The written Word Psalms 119; 105
Gifts of the spirit 1 Corinthians 12
Preaching of the Word Romans 10; 13-14
Animals Numbers 22;28

These are just a couple of examples as to how our Loving Father makes His plans known to us. I'm loving class and expanding my knowledge of the One. I'm really considering a bible college. I'm feeling the need to get through the whole word with in depth study. I'm trying to hear where God wants me on outreach and still no indication has come. I'm not stressing out because I know I'll be used anywhere, but it is still important to know from Him because when it gets hard I'll want to be reminded that i was supposed to be there. I want to be regret free and totally confident in his calling.

I was blown away by Johns blog. It really means the World to me that the Lord is and has been using me.

To those at home, I want to tell you. Yes, I'm here where and my whole day is scholastically focused on God and serving Him. I'm learning and growing, but just because your still at work, school, home, or wherever does not mean Hes doing more work in me than in you. The Kingdom is near. I don't mean to sound rude, just encouraging you that the Lord is working in you too. Jamaica or Maryland, God is using.

YWAM has a photography school, a performing Arts school, and Bible school. So many doors please pray.



Compassion
Kindness
Humility
Gentleness
Patients Colossians 3; 5-17

So I'm really excited about school. We have been placed into groups and we are going to all act out a chapter from Philippians then perform it in a park during our outreach time in Mo Bay and our other outreach time. I can't wait. i think the main point of Philippians chapter 4 is rejoicing and contentment. We have to learn to be happy whether hungry or well feed. it's cool we read that today because we were fasting today so I was really hungry, then God reminded me that my food is his will and the price has been paid and therefore, rejoicing is in order. I'm learning so much and doing so much. I think this weekend my dts mates and I are going to Nagril! I think I'm going to jump off the cliff! But, probably not cuz it took me like ten minutes to jump off that stupid platform at Cascade lake so chances of me making it off a cliff are slim, but who knows I'm kinda crazy... I miss my people and can't wait to see them. I also was told today that my hair is that of someone half white and half black! yes! almost there.

Romans 12;9-20

Truth

Today we did some street chillin'. Hanging out with the people and spreading the light. I raced with these kids in the park and held this woman's baby and ate sugarcane, which was gross, but cool. I love the way we learn and do here. I know I've already talked about that, but it's such a healthy way to grow. we get t o explore the town and enjoy the beauty! I also really want to be in the performing arts school. You learn dance, an instrument, song writing, vocals, play writing, miming, and theatre. i also learned that my dts counts towards about 21 college credits. I think with that in mind I'll be praying more about what could be next and be sure of where hes calling. I'm really excited about the next week because were actually starting the lecture phase of school. Dave Alexander gave the truth sermon and tomorrow were continuing. We talked about the lies we've chosen to believe and our reasons for doing so. I think it's easier to believe lies sometimes. I get down on myself and just stay down it's so hard sometimes to remember that He has won the victory and we are clean. I really miss home and i want to see my dad. God is good, all the time God is good.

Last night I had dinner with the married staff members Jenny and Aaron, they remind me a lot of Davey and Jill, I miss them too...

The Last three Days

September 18
Good News! Today they announced that our field assignment will be in; Guadalupe, The Bahamas, or Antique/S.t. Kitt. We are not told where to go we will be praying over these places for the next two weeks, then sharing what the Lord has spoken. Please pray for me in this, I really have no clue. I don’t know much about these places so I’m worried I might just pick. I am scared I won’t be listening just guessing. I know God is going to use me anywhere, but it’s important I’m confident in the place I go.
Today we shared testimonies all day. It was really exhausting but freeing. I told these eleven strangers parts of my life that had been in the dark for a long time. The Lord is restoring and shepherding. I was so encouraged to here about everyone’s own journey to dts and their stories of faith. I am surrounded by committed people who also desire God to be first, and dts is what that looked like for all of us. How neat that God would have this select and willing group together to grow in our knowledge and love for Jesus together. Oh, cool fact there are twelve students here, twelve disciples, very significant eh?
Tonight we’re going to the YWAM Caribbean overseer’s house for some brownies and fellowship. I just found out they have a trampoline so I’m going to show off my cheer-skills. Really wow the crowd, ya know?! Anyway, blessing and thanksgivings I send home! Sleep well!

September 19
Today we learned all about Jamaica and its brutal history. We also learned all about the Rastafarian's and what they actually believe. It’s very complicated but basically they worshiped a man from Ethiopia and thought he was the actual Christ. The think that Jesus was a prophet but usually associate the name as a slave ship that brought Africans into Jamaica for slavery. They thought that Haley Salasie was the true son of God. I’m sorry if my Lord we’re in Ethiopia I’d be in Ethiopia, but most Rasta’s were in Jamaica, weird. It made me rethink my bob Marley music taste and understand some lyrics I had been questioning. That was an abbreviated version, but the main idea.

So we had a welcome home party tonight that was amazing. We played all these fun games and had a Jamaican Banquet. The food is really unique but not my style, too much starch! We had a dance party afterwards, there are a lot of cool reggae Christian artist, and many reformed Rasta’s!! The music is so fresh and full of life! I learned signature moves like, gully creeper, and the sweep, and heel toe, the Jamaicans told me I was pretty good and asked me where I learned to dance like them! I felt pretty accepted because some people on the base were a bit standoffish too me but loosed up last night, very nice. I also got cornrows, it was ridiculous.

September 20, 2008
Today I got up and cooked for and hour then feed the homeless at a shelter. I love ywam. We learn and we do. The people were a little scary, but God allowed me to speak John 4; 34 to them. I told them that Jesus gave them this meal, but his word and will are our true nourishment. They took pretty well to me and it was humbling to sit and talk with them. I met this one crazy woman who was really out of it. She told me her name was Monica then asked me about my bracelets. I told her about my people and the reasons I wore them, she really liked this orange, brown, and yellow one I had from forever ago. I put it on randomly before I left for no reason. On the plane I asked myself why I was wearing it and I guess it was for Monica. She gave me a string from her coat and we prayed together. How cool? I of course will wash the bracelet then wear it with pride! We went to another shelter and I made friends with this guy named Alvin. He said he wanted to write me and ask me questions about God. I’m not really sure what to expect, but yeah we’ll see. We prayed with them and then ran through downtown handing out meals to anyone who looked hungry. Seeing the kids starving stirred up something in me. I am certain this is my call in ministry right now. I’m really blessed by the work God is doing in this city. It’s breaking to see people with no home praise God for the little things they do have.
We went to the beach and met up with the rest of the students because the street feeding was optional and only 5 of us felt called to run around with Marion. The beach was amazing you have to pay $2.50 and it was worth it. We could watch the airplanes come in on these water trampolines and I swam about 30 feet down with my snorkel. The fish are see-through and the coral looks amazing. It was so nice to swim in God’s creation and give thanks for the blessed morning with his people. We had pizza Hut for lunch which really hit the spot and I had a Pepsi for the first time, soo good. It was a nice bit of home. I have to go finish hand washing my clothes and reading my book! God is good, God is always good.

New Stuff

So I love the base director her name is Marion and she is really cool. Today we got our first assignment and briefing for our classwork. we were all assigned a partner that works on the staff, and a YWAM foundational value. The goal is to put a debate together that proves why we believe our value is the most important. Lucky for me I got the first value; KNOW GOD. I think I've got this in the bag. I have to dress up and share my three minute presentation in front of the whole base. Here are my supporting reasons why Knowing God is the first and most important YWAM value...

Psalm 105; 9
"Give thanks to the Lord call on his name; make known what he has done"
we can't make our God known unless we know him first

James 2; 17
"faith by itself if not accompanied by action is dead"
Yes, we are called to DO, but we can't step out into action unless we have faith/knowledge

Philippians 3; 8
What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of KNOWING Christ Jesus my lord for whose sake I have lost all things, I consider them rubbish that I might gain Christ.
All is worthless without the Knowledge of Him, our good works are nothing without the heart of a servant allowing our Lord to work through us.

If we Know God and continue to further our knowledge all the other amazing YWAM values will come into place. If we know him we want to be hospitable, and hear his voice, and make disciples of all nations. We have to get it so we can give it. We first learn of his great sacrifice before we live it.

Love. Mercy. hope.

First Monday

September 15,
So today we had to get up at 6 and have breakfast, and then we had worship service. At worship we met the entire staff for this ywam campus. The people here are extremely nice. The staff gathered around the 12 of us students and prayed over us. I felt so at home because my people circle around me in Maryland too. They prayed for us to hear God, to understand his calling in each of our hearts, and they gave thanks for our willingness to leave home and seek Him.
Then we went with our dts leaders; Eric and Alice, to the front gate of the base. We all took a small piece of paper and wrote down sin that we needed to confess. We prayed alone and then gathered at the foot of a wooded cross, there we burned the pieces of paper and prayed for forgiveness and if we felt lead we could confess anything we were okay with sharing. It was raw and touching to share our sin nature with one another. I did not share, but my friend Sandra was suffering from something similar to me and she shared. God has really been bringing me closer to her these passed three days. We have a lot of fun together and I love learning about the German culture and sharing Americas with her.
After the confessing we went into the worship hall and finished paper work for our visa for our field assignment and flights home. Oh, Thanks dad for printing a copy off my return flight information, once again I couldn't be here without your help!!!! I picked up my books and bought a drumstick, which was my first taste of home because Jamaican food is kind of weird. My girl Alice and the director of YWAM Mo Bay had a meeting with me earlier. They prayed for God to teach me and use my gentle heart. They read me things that the Lord had laid on there heart for me before I arrived. They read me scripture and told me how God created me to lift up others…Wow. Already an amazing day and I haven’t eaten lunch yet. I miss my people but I’m carrying them with me in my paradise.

Oh we have a memory verse each week so I thought I’d let you guys know what I was learning.
Habakkuk 2; 2-3
Then the Lord replied; write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets, so that a herald may run with it. The revelation awaits the appointed time. It speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger; wait for it, It will not delay and is coming.

I send you all Love. Love. Love.

Oh also some random things; I’m not a person that sweats a lot, but here I walk ten feet and half to change shirts, so yeah it’s really hot and humid. Also at worship we learned this really cool song. The chorus goes,”a ma mi daddhi Oh, a ma mi daddhi O” it means He is my Father. I loved it. I’m about to go on a scavenger hunt of the beach town so until next time.
Peace.