Thursday, January 15, 2009
Blah...
.I'm told that everyone on DTS feels like this at least one time, so I guess its my time. I feel so unproductive. I know I'm being productive, but I don't know why I feel the opposite. I think I'm ready for the next phase of life. I have so many ideas and interests for the future that I'm done with the present. I know God doesn’t want me to lose my passion for this time, but I'm having trouble being energized and diligent. I also feel burnt out. We’ve been really active and I don't understand my behavior sometimes. One minute I shedding tears of joy, I feel like my chest will rip in half and my heart will fall out because Jesus Loves me so much and has blessed me beyond what my own body can control. Other times, I’m so annoyed with people and prideful that I snap at my team. I get so feed up being around people 24/7 I become a total jerk. Then, because I'm being such a jerk I question whether or not my worship was heartfelt. I'm confused and I know confusion is not from the Lord. I have so many different things flying through my head all the time. I'm really devoted and a million miles away from my work at the same time. So there, my stuff, it’s out there. I'm not crying out, just pondering in. "I despise my own behavior" I’m so happy DC Talk was brave enough to say it I don't know if I would have been.
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2 comments:
Sometimes emotions aren't a good judge of what's really in the heart. Life isn't a constant mountaintop moment, it's an enduring trial that has plenty of lows. But it's carrying his cross! So cheer up! Just because you aren't in a good mood doesn't mean God isn't moving you on towards something.
When Paul was fretting about his weaknesses, God reminded him of His grace - 1 Cor. 12:9-10 "But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Recognizing our weaknesses helps us to depend on God because He is our only hope to handle it. I know how frustrating it is when I let the sinful nature win for the moment. I believe it was also Paul who said why do I do the things I don't want to and not do the things I want to. (I appreciate your honesty.) The only thing we can do is ask God to help us - we belong to Him. You know you will soon be coming home to new adventures - it's kinda like when you are graduating from high school. The excitement of what lies ahead can overpower enjoying the last moments of high school life. We sometimes experience the same things in our Christian walk. I pray that you will be able to feel the Holy Spirit comfort you during this time. Love you more than you know.
Ms. Diana
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